The Greatest Moonshiner of All-Time: Popcorn Sutton

His name was Popcorn Sutton and he made a lot of likker (which is how Popcorn spelled “liquor”). He lived his whole life in the boonies of Tennessee. He was given the nickname “Popcorn” when he was at the bar one night and attacked a popcorn vending machine with a pool cue because it wasn’t working. Popcorn started drinking when he was 4 and smoking when he was 6. By the time he was 12 he started making likker.

Popcorn would smoke about 2-3 cartons of cigs a day while making dozens of gallons of the strongest fucking moonshine you’ll ever find. He didn’t have a factory. He would just find a nice spot down by the creek and build a likker-making machine by hand. Sometimes he did it by himself. Sometimes he had his buddy J.B. help him out.

By the time he died in 2009 his estimated Net Worth was over $3 million dollars. So how did he die? Lung cancer? Cirrhosis? Fuck no. Popcorn Sutton committed suicide by carbon monoxide poisoning because he refused to succumb to the liberal agenda. Popcorn thought that applying for a liquor-license was dumb because it would allow the government to tax and regulate how much likker he sold. Makes fucking sense to me. Unfortunately, as the liberal agenda hit its peak with the election of Barrack Osama, the government came after Popcorn pretty aggressively.

Popcorn was a beautiful, pure soul who didn’t know how to lie. So when a federal officer asked Popcorn if he had any likker he was planning to sell, Popcorn told him he had 500 gallons in Tennessee and 400 gallons in North Carolina. The government then sentenced Popcorn to serve a pretty hefty prison sentence. But Popcorn wasn’t gonna do that shit. Popcorn hid all the likker he owned and fucking killed himself to own the libs.

The term “legendary” doesn’t even suffice when describing Popcorn. Just watch him dance the meanest damn jig you’ve ever seen in your fucking life: