I currently have seven and a half illegitimate children. I have not been involved in any part of their lives whatsoever. However, if I had stuck around for some of them - or even one of them - here is what I would've done: 1. Get them addicted to crystal meth I went to high … Continue reading 5 Things Every Father Should Do For Their Children
Categorizing Cigs as if they were Star Athletes
Me and @smack5030 aka "The Other Guy" smoke a lot of cigarettes. Let me describe them to you with convoluted comparisons to some of the world’s greatest athletes. American Spirits- Floyd Mayweather Defense, Defense, Defense. Much like the undefeated, scrappy champ who has more wins than words in his vocabulary, American Spirits don't hit you … Continue reading Categorizing Cigs as if they were Star Athletes
A List of Presents to Give to the Average Male in Your Life
I recently participated in a conversation with some woeful women regarding the stressful process of buying their mans a present. The conversation escalated into a heated debate which posed the question, "Are men or women easier to buy presents for?" As I assume you are a straight white male reading this blog, let me just … Continue reading A List of Presents to Give to the Average Male in Your Life
Am I actually addicted to meth?
People keep asking if I'm actually addicted to meth. Ya I'm addicted to meth. I got addicted to meth about 8 months ago. It's been fucking awesome. Best 8 months of my life. I'm also making way more money now. I originally started just cuz my doctor said I needed to start drinking less coffee. … Continue reading Am I actually addicted to meth?
Who else deserves a Presidential Medal of Freedom?
After Eldrick Woods won the Masters this past weekend, President Trump announced that he will be presenting Eldrick with a Presidential Medal of Freedom. Eldrick is a very worthy recipient of this award. Very few would have the perseverance, resilience, and determination to overcome the demons and obstacles he has faced the last several years. … Continue reading Who else deserves a Presidential Medal of Freedom?
2019 Masters Preview
Thursday morning will mark the start of the biggest golf tournament in the world. If you're a casual sports fan, you'll be fascinated by it and probably watch for a couple hours on Sunday. If you're a die-hard golf fan, you'll ejaculate as soon as you hear Jim Nance say, "Hello Friends" https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=exQJzIwn7K4 Regardless of … Continue reading 2019 Masters Preview
Ranking the Holidays
Allow me to preface this blog with a short story that serves as the motivation for this piece. Last summer I worked at a management office about an hour and a half away from home. My boss, the Controller of the company, picked me up for work every morning at 6am and dropped me off … Continue reading Ranking the Holidays
Circus or Cemetery? You be the Judge
What you are about to read is based on the first-hand experience of a cemetery worker who perhaps had too much fun working at the melancholy place of grief. Picture this: your Grandmother recently passed away, and now it's time to say your final goodbyes at the neighborhood cemetery. This is going to be your … Continue reading Circus or Cemetery? You be the Judge
LeBron vs. Jordan: Age 34 Seasons
The 2018-2019 NBA Regular Season is coming to a close, marking the end of another historically dominant season by reigning MVP Jonas Jerebko. This season also marks the end of the 34 year old LeBron James' 16th season in the NBA. It's quite common for people to compare LeBron James to Michael Jordan, as they … Continue reading LeBron vs. Jordan: Age 34 Seasons
Guacamole is Extra is that Okay?: A Modern Guide to Chipotle Etiquette
Disclaimer: Welcome to the only blogger that has legitimate writing experience. Indolentthreat's smooth prose and fish grease takes will bring masses to this shitty blog (which by the way has about 4 other variations on the internet, dumbass should have picked a more original name). As worked out in my contract, I now own 1% … Continue reading Guacamole is Extra is that Okay?: A Modern Guide to Chipotle Etiquette
Pardon My French 